The Role of Solitude in My Process.

I didn't grow up with any semblance of privacy, being one of 7 kids at home there wasn't an opportunity to be alone or seek solitude. I do remember sneaking away sometimes to sit and colour in my book. I knew that I needed to be alone to do that. 

Today, solitude plays a major role in the way that I create art. Its hard for me to work on the occasions that I am not alone in my studio space. I have to really find ways to delve deep into aloneness without being physically alone and without the constant distraction of who's there with me at the time. It's not as hard as you would imagine coming from someone who is used to that kind of feeling - the feeling of being alone even when in company. Hence why I create art today. 

Most of the time, I am alone (physically) and that's when I create my best work. In fact, that's when I feel I am at my best in general. I am an introvert who craves being alone. It's where I get all my energy from and that energy I get to put into my work. 

I want the space to be me, fully and completely with no restriction or inhibitions. I want the freedom to cry if I want to (and that's a lot of the time) if I'm honest. 

Today for example, I was working on my ceramic collection and listening to classical music as I so often do. The collection I am working on is themed around nostalgia. I was travelling along nicely until I started to think of my mother. Her face was like a movie playing in my mind on repeat, over and over. I saw images of her when she was young, healthy, happy and carefree. I saw it clear as day. I saw her in her beautiful dresses and fur coats. I saw her silly laughing with my father. I saw her brushing my hair. I saw her kissing me goodnight and begging me to please stop coming out of my bed. 

Today my mother isn't well so the memory of her healthy and happy and young and beautiful was haunting me. I cried to the point where I needed to stop working. It rendered me still,  but it was okay because that's part of the process. It's deep. It can be dark and I allow myself to go to places that hurt me. I'm not afraid to sit in pain and make space for it. I've been here many times. Its a familiar place but unlike the past, now I seem to embrace it. 

I cried for mum and then I continued to work in all the pain that I was feeling. I think creating art is about allowing yourself to really feel whatever it is you're feeling and create regardless. True art is always created by deep thinkers and feelers. I've never met an artist who didn't have a story and who wasn't someone who loved to feel. 

The road to an artist life is solitary. It's quiet and it can be lonely, but for me, being able to thrive being alone is my superpower. If I was extroverted I wouldn't be able to survive doing what I do. It brings out the best in me. It brings out the best in my work.

When I am ready to deal with the outside again, I unlock my studio door, take a deep breath and face "the real world" again. 

Lina